Friday, 7 March 2014

AWOL - Struggling

 Sorry I have been missing from this blog for a couple of weeks. We have been having a difficult time and suffering from a severe of sleep. We are now doing a lot better, but it is always hard to find my blogging mojo again after a couple of weeks off. I have many blog posts planned - I am nearly a week late with Fred's 5 month update! 

As I said we are now doing loads better. We have even managed to catch up on some sleep! I wrote the following post at the height of my sleep deprivation. I think it is important for me to publish it as it is part of my story and it is only right that I blog about some of the hard things of motherhood as well as the good things.


So this is what sleep deprivation looks like. 

What it feels like is drowning in tiredness, exhaustion and emotion.

For 5 nights now Fred has been waking too many times for me to cope. He has never been a great sleeper. I have become used to a mild amount of sleep deprivation and a manageable amount of tiredness.

 Waking 4 times a night now seems a luxury compared to this week. Last night has so far been the worst nights sleep since Fred was born. He slept for less than an hour at a time. A few times his slept for less than 10 minutes before he needed settling again. It is soul destroying.

I honestly feel that if I don't get more sleep soon my body will stop working. How can an exhausted body feed a ravenous baby? 
How can an exhausted body rock him to sleep yet one more time? 
How can an emotionally drained Mum love him as much as he deserves?
How can an exhausted Dad help over night and still manage to go to work?
How can you help a baby to learn how to sleep when you aren't even sure you remember how?
How many times do I have to say if he slept life would be perfect for it to happen? 
How many times can I be expected to pray for sleep before giving up?
How can we make this better?

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